Episode 16 | Can Love Exist Without Compatibility?

00:00:00 Erica: Welcome to students of life where healing and cute but is necessary.

00:00:03 Courtney: For growth gets uncomfortable. But staying stuck isn't an option.

00:00:07 Erica: We're not here to preach. We're here to process out loud in real time.

00:00:11 Courtney: No titles, no masks, just truth, transformation, and a whole lot of accountability.

00:00:15 Erica: I'm Erica.

00:00:16 Courtney: I'm Courtney, and we're all just students of life.

00:00:19 Erica: Class is in session.

00:00:41 Courtney: Welcome to the Students of Life podcast. And I am your host, Courtney. And with me is my sensational wife, Erica. And today we're bringing you another thought provoking episode.

00:00:52 Erica: What are we talking about today, Courtney?

00:00:54 Courtney: The same thing we talk about every episode. Erica had to figure out how to live.

00:00:59 Erica: That's beautiful. And with that, let's define what we're going to talk about today. You ready?

00:01:06 Courtney: Oh, I'm ready whenever you are.

00:01:08 Erica: So we make decisions every day. But what are those decisions actually based on? Many of us say we know what matters to us, you know, family, freedom, success, peace, loyalty, security, growth, etc., all the adult things. But we've never actually defined our values, principles or priorities to go along with them. If those things haven't been defined, how do we know whether whether the decisions that we're making are aligned with the life we're trying to build? What does it look like?

00:01:40 Courtney: Well, I believe that's a challenge that we all face on a regular basis. I mean, let's be honest. Come on now. At what point have you personally ever just sat down and defined values? Principles. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying those two I know priorities is a part of this, but just values and principles. Honestly, yes.

00:02:03 Erica: I did it, but I did it not of my own volition. I had to do it in therapy. Right? So I didn't I didn't do it on my own. You know, I had someone to guide me through those things. And when I was speaking with my therapist, we slowly got there. But we had to do it because I didn't know who I was.

00:02:23 Courtney: Yeah.

00:02:23 Erica: I had no definition of who I was, and I didn't have a definition of who I was, because I had no idea what my values or my principles were or how well I knew what they were. But I had no idea how to define them and make sure I lived a life that reflected my principles and my values.

00:02:39 Courtney: So pretty much you were just living for the most part. You're just living, you know, just winging it. It's what we would say.

00:02:47 Erica: I was out here raw dogging it.

00:02:49 Courtney: Yeah, but you're not the only one, though. Hell, I'm. I was guilty of doing that, too, you know, I didn't know. I mean, I knew how I was navigating his life. I knew what mattered. But I never made such a comprehensive list of what those things mean. And I should have, because by the time that you did it, we were already together, what, like sixteen, seventeen years? Somewhere around there?

00:03:16 Erica: Yeah. I think it's probably like Jade was about two. So maybe twelve years.

00:03:22 Courtney: Okay. Yeah. Okay. So that happened.

00:03:24 Erica: Yeah.

00:03:25 Courtney: We've been we were together twelve years.

00:03:27 Erica: Twelve years. Yeah.

00:03:28 Courtney: Okay. It was together twelve years. So we were together twelve years. And then even after that, we never did that. So we were together. And even together, we never defined it. So how many people do you really think as a couple, you know, long term couples or people navigating this life don't really know? You know what the other people, I mean, other person in front of them actually values what the principles are, how they navigate this life.

00:03:57 Erica: Honestly, I think most people don't have the conversation collectively. You know what I mean? I think that even if you have a male who who knows this about himself, right? Do you know that your partner does or like maybe not your life partner, but even a potential partner? And if you don't know these things, and how do you know you're compatible? For us, it was, I say a little bit easier because we grew up together.

00:04:23 Courtney: Yeah.

00:04:24 Erica: And we met as teenagers and we so we've been through every life transition together. There hasn't been one thing that you or I have gone through as, as an adult that we weren't there to see each other through or to walk with it, you know, for me to walk through it with each other. Um, but that being the case, right? Okay. If I had to say right now, Courtney, what are your values, principles and priorities? Do you know?

00:04:47 Courtney: Well, I can definitely, you know, like top three for values is very, you know, that's easy freedom. I'm not freedom. I'm sorry, y'all. But it's family that I was confusing the F's. But it's, um, it's family growth and loyalty. Those are my top three. And then say things like with principles how I, you know, um, navigate those my principles are all backed by what I value. And so I, so if anything comes in the way, what I end up doing is I evaluate what's most important at that point. So if my family is most important, my, my principles help me navigate why my family is most important growth, how I navigate, why growth is important because I read all the time, you know, so you know, that's what's important to me. And then loyalty means a lot because it's how I, how I show up. That's why I value loyalty, because me being loyal Is how I show up for you might not mean the same for you, but I think that we're gonna get into what that really looks like because now we're talking about priorities. So so to answer your question, those first three for me, especially with those values, family growth, loyalty.

00:06:14 Erica: You know, it's funny that you say that because for me. While we have a lot of things in common, I think my top three would be a little bit different. Um, like for me, my family is first with everything, no matter what it is. I don't care where I'm at. I don't care what happens if my family needs me, I'm stopping what I'm doing right then and there and I'm leaving, period. I don't care who I'm with.

00:06:39 Courtney: Those are your principles.

00:06:44 Erica: My values. I think anyone who knows me know number one, authenticity, right? It's I am who I am, um. I am a human, I make mistakes, I learn, I grow, and I attempt not to, not to replicate those mistakes again. Um, I also, but with that, I have a very low tolerance for low performance, right? Because if I am doing the work, the people around me need to also be doing the damn work. Otherwise it doesn't work. We're not compatible, but that's friends or relationship husband, you know what I mean? Whatever it is, family, we're not compatible. So so there's nothing even trying to force anything. Um, next would be accountability. Own your shit. Right? Like I'm, I'm, you know, I'm quick to say, especially with you, you know, like, what did I do? What happened here? Or what did I do that bothered you so that I won't do the shit again? I'm not perfect, right. But at the same time, I'm willing to learn and grow in real time so that I don't hurt the person that I care about. Um, and the last one for me it's probably probably loyalty as well. Um, and that's because like you and I view loyalty different, right? For me, it's for you. It's how do, how, how I show up for you. But for me, loyalty is tell me what you need and let me show you that I love you enough to show up for you. Like, let me show you what it looks like when someone loves you unconditionally. Because I don't, I don't think that people take into account enough that unconditional love and loyalty really go hand in hand. Because if I love you without any bounds, I'm going to show up for you. I'm going to care about you. I'm going to be there. And that that's where the loyalty comes in. So while we have the same in that regard, our views on how loyalty look is different.

00:08:39 Courtney: It's different, you know, and that's okay, you know. Um, but what's important is as long as we do, but what we do have to do as well. So everyone knows is exactly how our values, principles and priorities actually define. Because what I will say is that values and principles have been used interchangeably, and it's totally wrong to do so.

00:09:05 Erica: Yeah. Because they're different, you know, um, like we're currently talking about values, right? And values are what matter to you. Like we said, you know, our example would be our family loyalty, freedom, honesty, security, growth, peace, um, even maybe achievements, right? These are things that you value because these are things that mean something to you. But on the flip side of that, the principles, right? As you said, people use them interchangeably, but they do it wrong. And your principles are pretty much what guides your behavior. What makes you do what you do? What foundation do you stand on and like and what have you built on? At least that's how I view principles.

00:09:47 Courtney: No, but that's what a the principle is, you know. And, you know, but principles are your behaviors. But then you come into priorities. And that, um, pretty much is what comes first. Mhm. That's what priority is. And so when you combine all of those. So if you have values and principles, but when you add priorities in there, that's when you begin to see what somebody really stands for. Because now you have to choose between what you really value, because none of these things really matter sometime until it's put to the test. Values and principles mean nothing. It's just a good list to to spout off. But until it's actually put to the test, it means nothing. But that's like what I had to end up realizing throughout, um, while living is that people aren't who I thought they were. People didn't believe what I thought they believed because they didn't prioritize the things that they say that they cared about. So what I'm saying is people do a really good job at talking, but they don't do a good job with their actions and their behaviors to coincide with those things. Because now all the things they say they value, they prioritize something else and that hits different. You know, when I say it hits different based off what they say versus what they do, that's what it comes down to.

00:11:14 Erica: So you brought up, you brought that up. And that brings me to another question, right? Speaking about values and principles and how we need to speak to our person about that. Do you think that people I don't think age matters for this, but do you think that people confuse chemistry with compatibility.

00:11:33 Courtney: All the time? I mean, but it goes into the name of this episode is can love exist without compatibility? And so chemistry goes into that category with love because it's it's a feeling. Mhm. It don't have to be. It doesn't have to necessarily be discussed or talked about. You know, because it's what people live together to a degree. They can put, they, we can put our hands on that, you know, our history together. That's part of it. You know, you know how I feel about you, how I care about you. Love, chemistry, how we interact with one another. But when we start talking about compatibility, those are the things that no one wants to discuss because it's the things we shy away from. It's uncomfortable.

00:12:20 Erica: Okay. Another question for you because you're making I'm like my wheels turning. My light bulbs are going off or whatever. But so speaking of compatibility, right? So when we speak, when we speak of compatibility, we should take things into account, like maybe like, uh, values, right? Like our lifestyles, um, sex because it matters when you're trying to be with somebody forever.

00:12:44 Courtney: Okay.

00:12:44 Erica: Communication. Goals. Personality. Um, do you think we can take these things and somebody be a genuinely good person, but still be wrong for you?

00:12:57 Courtney: Oh, hands down. You know, it happens all the time because again, it's never defined. It's a lot of times, you know, you can be a good person, but it's how you decide to live life. That's really what it comes down to. How many times have we known people, you know, say, for instance, within a relationship, whether it's long term marriage and sex is a problem within it?

00:13:22 Erica: Oh, it happens often, like all the time.

00:13:24 Courtney: One is highly sexual or needs it and the other one does not want to provide it. That is a compatibility issue. And how we decide to navigate this relationship long term, because now I'm missing something that I need.

00:13:38 Erica: Yeah, yeah. That's not a want. That's a need.

00:13:40 Courtney: That's a need.

00:13:41 Erica: Yeah.

00:13:41 Courtney: Now I'm missing something. And that is a compatibility. That's a conflict. And so sometimes those things not even discussed, they just show up. You know what I'm saying. They, you know, you don't talk about it. You show up before it's ever discussed. It becomes a problem on the back end. It's never talked about on the front end. No one ever says like, hey, you know, sex is a real priority, although it should be known that this is a priority and that it is a need. But since it's not discussed or what is or is not talked about, it becomes a problem that we experience. Once it, um, once someone doesn't show up, that's when it becomes an issue. That's when it becomes a problem. So yes, with all those things that you discussed, yes, you could be a good person, but still not be right for somebody else. Because what ends up happening is that you now slow somebody else down in some way, or I'm only using this in an extreme way, okay. Because there's multiple ways that we can talk about this. But if we're talking about being incompatible, then yes, you can be a good person and still not be right for somebody because you can literally slow somebody down or slow somebody's progress down, or how they need to navigate this life or how they want to move forward. Well, the decisions they want to make because you're not the right person to do that with.

00:14:56 Erica: No, I agree with that. And I think we've seen that multiple times, like through like friends, family, even observing. Honestly, like today we were at dinner last weekend, right in the table behind us.

00:15:10 Courtney: Yeah.

00:15:11 Erica: You could visibly see she was cringing. And that had to be like a first date or something. But sis was cringing like she was quiet most of that time. And he was talking and saying what? What I, as a woman would say was dumb shit, and she wasn't feeling him at all. So she was eating and she was being cordial. But I guarantee you when they left, dude will never hear from her again. He's probably blocked, right? But in saying that. Do you think that what you say should be a reflection of what your life shows?

00:15:45 Courtney: Of course not. Your actions do. Your actions need to show more than you know. Say, for instance, I ain't gonna say more than what you say. Your actions need to coincide with what you say. You know, I'll be honest with you. Come on now and I'll say this openly now because I used to be a little reserved.

00:16:04 Erica: Paul's don't get us canceled shit.

00:16:08 Courtney: I mean, that's what has to happen. That's what gotta happen. You know, I take the good with the bad. But, um. But no, but, um, overall, it's, uh, it's one of those scenarios where I end up having to accept that I hear everything people say, but I don't listen to a damn thing anyone says until they show me that that's what they believe in. Because after I end up realizing the majority of the people around me was lying my whole damn life. and that. And that is the truth. Because no one, when I say no one was no one was who I thought they were.

00:16:47 Erica: In what way?

00:16:50 Courtney: All right. Um, and I won't I don't mind saying it now, because I'm going to be honest about this one, is that I'm going to use my father as an example, is he had two families, but he prioritized one over the other. And that is a reality. So yes, he did love us. He did care about us, but how he prioritized things showed something different. And it made me see things different too, because he had a mother, sister, nieces, nephew, all those, all those people. But he had another home to two kids and a wife. Yeah. And himself and a home that he built, but he prioritized one over the other. So when I see things like that, it's like how, you know, maybe you did love us. You did. Yes you did, But where were we on that list? You know what I'm saying? We weren't number one. You know what I'm saying? So that's the things that that we encounter. I don't listen to anything someone says until they show that that's what they truly believe.

00:17:54 Erica: You know, I'm glad you brought that up because that leads me to another question. I'm thinking in real time as we're talking here. Um, so based on who we are and what we actually live, how much or how many of our values do I think came from our parents? We're southern. So religion, tradition, culture, um, relationships or just honestly how we were raised.

00:18:21 Courtney: So you're asking where.

00:18:23 Erica: How many of our values or we'll use you, for example, how many of your values came from your parents? Maybe like when you were younger, having to go to church, um, the culture you grew up in, the relationships that you've seen or just overall like how you were raised from a child to like adolescence or teenage years? How much of that defines your values for who you are today? Like, did you strip everything away? Like, you know what? I don't want to be any of this shit. None of this fits me. Or is there some that you kind of, like, threw paint to the wall and see what sticks?

00:18:56 Courtney: The only principle, I mean, value that that came from. My youth or or my upbringing was only because of, um, it was family. I got that only one from.

00:19:11 Erica: From your mother.

00:19:12 Courtney: Yeah, I got that from there. Like family was number one.

00:19:15 Erica: Yeah.

00:19:16 Courtney: Like no matter how bad it is, you always show up because somebody need you. Your family needs you there, number one. So that's the only thing that I took away from my upbringing. But everything else I had to develop on my own, because you know what? This is what happens. Your mother, your father, none of them people your sister, your brother, anybody that you're close to like that no one can live this life for you. No one can do that. You have to define how you want to navigate this, and you have to create your own personal rule book. The rule book that somebody else creates ain't yours to live by. Because we're two totally different people. We see life totally different, you know? And so going into this life that we live, we need to do that on our own. But I also believe us not doing it is why we, um, kind of just coast along to a degree, you know, we just fall, you know, wherever the chips fall. That's, that's where we are. We don't truly define it. So we don't know who the hell we are. We don't know what we're doing most of the time. And so we can't even double down on some of those things or say, for instance, we might even set them safe if you do set them until it's tested by those priorities. What you decide to choose, what matters. None of those things really matter at all. So we end up having to do that on our own. And I did that because I had to decide what my life looked like. I had to decide how to navigate this life. Can't nobody define what, what, what, what I value. I have to do that. And so even if I did take it from my childhood, you know what? It still ain't me. I didn't decide that. Everybody needs to be able to decide that. You have to decide what you value. Because if you took that from your childhood, the question is, is that really you?

00:21:13 Erica: So, you know, it's funny you say that because both of us grew up in families where family mattered, right? But I think I that I don't think I know for a fact we grew up with families that centered children, right? Neither one of us grew up in a family where we saw a husband sent to his wife or a wife sent to her husband like that. Um, and that is a huge difference for me and you versus everyone else that we know. So when we say our family is our number one priority, right? Our family is our number one value. We value that more than anything else. I need people to understand that your family starts with your husband, your wife. It starts if you're, you know, your two dads, two moms. I don't give a damn. But it starts with the adults that are raised in these families. If you don't have a strong foundation as a couple, if you're not compatible as a couple, your family is going to show it later, you know, because because you're going to grow up and you're going to have what what you and I often say is, you know, broken families, right? Because you center your children so much that oftentimes you focus on just one of them. And in doing that, the other becomes the black sheep where they fall to the wayside or something like that. And while we're supposed to care about our children equally, you and I both know from personal experience that shit don't happen. That's not reality for a lot of people.

00:22:46 Courtney: Yeah.

00:22:47 Erica: Um, so I feel like, you know, based on what you say versus what your life shows, you can't say that your family's number one priority and you prioritize everything outside of your household. You prioritize everything outside of your wife, your husband, your life partner. That's not true.

00:23:06 Courtney: But like this. All right. You know what you say versus what you do. Okay. You know, you say, I love my family, I value that, I love my family, but your priorities show that you love to stay out with friends way more.

00:23:23 Erica: Mhm.

00:23:24 Courtney: And show your attention to to your wife or your kids or vice versa, or, you know, or to your husband or to the, or to your children or to the development of the home. That's something totally different because once you say that, you know, you say, hey, I love you, I love this thing. But now how you're behaving, it says, no, you don't. And you know what? No one wants to be called out about that either because it's very easy, very good to get really good at, uh, at talking. Well, people can do so good at talking that you believe them even when they're being affected by it. It's good to do that. But the moment that you can see and you can call it out, no one wants to be called out no more. I ain't gonna say no more. But no one wants to be called out.

00:24:14 Erica: You know? Okay, so with that, right. So what I, what I'm hearing you say is that your values become real. They become tangible when they possibly could cost you something only. So what? What do you think you and I have had to sacrifice? Or what have we sacrificed? Because something mattered more. Like, have you? And I discovered something that wasn't as important as we thought it was. Like we thought it mattered a lot. But come to find out, over the years of being together, that shit meant nothing.

00:24:47 Courtney: Do you mean in the sense of family or kind of like outside of. I'm just asking.

00:24:51 Erica: Um, we can do both. Like within the family. Would you? You know, you you and I will leave the kids out of it, but you and I. Right? What do you think are some things that over time we valued and then realized this doesn't really mean shit.

00:25:06 Courtney: Honestly.

00:25:06 Erica: Yeah.

00:25:07 Courtney: Parts of my family.

00:25:09 Erica: Mhm.

00:25:10 Courtney: I'm not gonna sit here and lie about that.

00:25:12 Erica: What do you mean?

00:25:14 Courtney: Putting way more effort into them or to. Into, um, what it means to have a family versus what I got back. And it's not like, hey, let me. Hey, I'm doing this because I want something back. But the thing about having a family is if you if everybody cares about it, if everybody talks about it, then you show up like you care. But what ended up happening in that regard is that caring about family took more away from me than it gave back. So that was that was a difference, you know? I ended up seeing that, you know, as we've been together, you know, that that external family, you know, wasn't what I thought it was. It didn't show up the way that, um, that I thought, you know, you know, I was raised and to believe that yes, family means a lot. And I operated that way.

00:26:05 Erica: Mhm.

00:26:05 Courtney: But family don't show up the same way. You know, they take, they they it's okay to take. But it ain't good to give back. And so, you know, it hits very different. And so that happened because me doing that took something away from my family too. And so I don't what I end up having to realize since we've been together. That right there. Yeah. Family.

00:26:33 Erica: You know, it's funny you say that, because I remember there was a point in time in our relationship where we compromised a lot, right? Like, you know, it was like, for me having to stop what we were doing was maybe to run, to take care of my papaw, like, or my mom got sick, you know, was having to, to deviate from our plans to go make sure she was good. Yeah. Um, but. I'm thinking about us talking about this and it's bringing back like some, some thoughts, but I have a question for you.

00:27:03 Courtney: Okay. What's up?

00:27:04 Erica: Have you ever compromised something thinking, you know, this ain't really that serious, but then you got maybe a little bit older and realized, hell no, I was absolutely that serious, and I shouldn't have compromised my values for that thing.

00:27:16 Courtney: Yeah. You know, although I know I didn't say it here, you know, like far as values, you know, I just put off the top three right off the top of my head, because that's just who I am. But one of those things is this right here is, um. Betraying myself. Itself. Betraying self. You know, that would mean shutting the hell up when you shouldn't, you know, just to make everybody else feel good. You know what I'm saying? Those are the. That's what I sacrificed, you know, in the hopes that everything else was going to be okay. But you know what? It don't happen. The moment that you continue to navigate things like that, people will always find a way to keep getting over because you ain't doing nothing about it. The moment you do nothing about it, people will always step on you.

00:28:11 Erica: So you're not speaking up. Caution yourself. Essentially.

00:28:14 Courtney: Yeah it did. And I had to. And I had to fight to find who that was. Matter of fact, I didn't have to fight to find who it was. It was already there. He was just buried a little bit.

00:28:26 Erica: So you had to fight to shed those layers? That's what it sounds like. It sounds like more than. More than having to fight to find them because you knew he was there. You had to shed layers so he could come out.

00:28:37 Courtney: Really is almost. It was layers. And then he just burst out because he just stopped giving a damn. He said, you won't hold me back no more.

00:28:45 Erica: MM.

00:28:46 Courtney: He said, you ain't gonna hold me back no more. But no, for real. That was. That's definitely one no self, I sacrificed myself. What about you?

00:28:56 Erica: Um. I think when I was younger, I sacrificed myself a lot out of blind loyalty. You know, I sacrificed myself being showing up for people who, honestly, I later found out, didn't give a damn about me. Whether that was friends, family, whoever. Um, and that is why accountability means so much to me.

00:29:21 Courtney: Right?

00:29:21 Erica: That is why autonomy means so much to me, because I, like I've never been a people pleaser, but the people that I loved knew I loved them. And I looking back on it now, I do know for a fact that people use that to their advantage in spite of me.

00:29:36 Courtney: Right?

00:29:37 Erica: So, you know, if I had to look back on something and be like, eh, I would never do that again, it's that it's having blind loyalty and showing up for people who never gave a damn about me, because the writing is always on the wall. We just miss it, right? But that's where like love versus compatibility comes in, right? Like, I love you so much, or whether that's a friendship or not, right? Friendship, relationship, marriage, whatever. I love you so much that I'm going to show up for you with everything that I have in spite of you. You know what I mean? I see your potential, so I'm going to love you through it again. Husband, wife, friends, family, whoever. I see the best in you. So I'm going to give you the best of me when honestly, you don't even deserve a fucking conversation.

00:30:23 Courtney: And. Third on my list was, um. You know, what I said today was was loyalty. And what I end up having to realize with this one right here is that because you were talking about loyalty? This is why I'm saying it with loyalty. What I ended up, um, seeing and navigating was that, you know, I was like, hey, you know, it's more so what I ended up seeing. Erica. People gave up on themselves way more before, way before I gave up on them. But that's what loyalty is to me. But what ends up happening is when people don't see it, they like to blame. Or when you're not there, they like to blame. They like to point the finger somewhere. It's somewhere to point the finger, you know? And, um, life is a very intriguing thing about how, how, how everything is navigated. But that's what loyalty means, you know, even like in values. And throughout this this life we live. No, we compromise a lot. You compromise things. I compromise things, but you can only really understand it only by living through it, you know.

00:31:32 Erica: Yes. Um, you know, and with that, over the years, I've learned that, um, priorities require some kind of hierarchy. Right. What matters and. Are my priorities aligning with what I say matters for. Okay. Perfect example would be, um, it's years ago now, but you know, my, my career took a very quick turn for, for what seemed like the better, right? You know, I got a better position, a upper management level position, but that required me to travel a lot. That required me to miss time with Jade a lot. It was more stress and I did it thinking of the financial security that it provided. Right? But if I'm telling you when I'm telling Jade, y'all matter to me. I love you, Jade. I'm going to show up. I'm going to be here. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. But then Tuesday is here. Mama's not here. Thursday is here, Mama. Not here. And Jason on the baseball field. I'm nowhere to be found when she's used to Mama always being there and always showing up. Luckily for me, that happened early in life. Um, so I was able to, to pretty much just sit down and ask myself, is this really what I want outside of the financial gain? You know what I mean? And it wasn't, it wasn't, but it took me a year to figure that out. And that was a year of me being Mia for things that mattered. You know, like missing programs at school or, like I said, missing her, her baseball games when she was playing baseball. These are things that normally I cherish and I wouldn't miss. I never missed a practice, much less a game, you know. But in my mind. So if I take this job, then I'm going to put my family in a better position. And which it did happen, but it took my family and just put money in the bank, you know? So. So with that, you know, over time, I had to learn that my priorities need to be stacked in the right way. They need to matter. And I need to start with what matters to me most more than anything else, which is why now I'm hell bent on. There's just some things I'm not giving up and some things I'm not doing.

00:33:49 Courtney: But that's, um, some of the challenges that we end up facing facing anyway. We make the decision way before we ever find out what matters anyway.

00:34:00 Erica: Absolutely. You know? Yeah.

00:34:01 Courtney: And that's really the conflict that, that, that we, that we're encountering, you know, is so with priorities, like exactly with what you're saying, you know, like, hey, you can say, hey, I value family. But then when you prioritize work, it's like, even if it's not true, but you can't tell a kid that though, like a kid won't won't accept that, you know, or say, for instance, Erica, you know, like, what if you know, somebody says, hey, I value my kids.

00:34:30 Erica: Mhm.

00:34:31 Courtney: But you prioritize, you know, an outside man or woman over the kids or excuse me or what if you prioritizing somebody else's kids in the family over your own and now your kids rightfully can say, well, how much do you really love me? If you always if you always giving your effort to them.

00:34:56 Erica: Mhm. Because you weren't there.

00:34:57 Courtney: Because you weren't there.

00:34:58 Erica: You weren't there. Yeah.

00:34:59 Courtney: Or even if you were there, you weren't as prison as you need to be because you already gave all yourself to somebody else. You gave it away.

00:35:07 Erica: Now, that part right there, I can speak on that part personally because I've asked a parent those questions before, you know, like, like, okay, I'm your daughter. You say that you love me, but in reality, every chance you get, you show me I don't mean shit to you. That's a fact. It happened and it still happens, right? Um, you know, and I think with that, again, you have to you have to learn what matters to you and what's worth cutting off and letting go.

00:35:38 Courtney: Mhm.

00:35:39 Erica: Just because someone gave birth to you or helped you get here or raised you, that does not mean you owe them a damn thing. And they don't have to be a priority for you. As you say, don't cut them off, but knock them down on the totem pole.

00:35:52 Courtney: Hey, put.

00:35:53 Erica: Them. Put them where they belong.

00:35:55 Courtney: Low priority, low priority. Prioritize their ass really, really low. But no, you know, like with what you was experiencing, I've experienced that one to a degree. You know, that was more as an adult when I asked him, like, why did you give I give my sibling so much attention because we had high expectations of what that means right there. You were not a high enough priority, you know.

00:36:18 Erica: Or priority at all.

00:36:19 Courtney: At all.

00:36:20 Erica: Yeah.

00:36:20 Courtney: In relation to, to them. And that's, that's the damn truth. And so that becomes the thing that becomes an eye opener. It's one thing to talk about it, but then when you put priorities in place, it shows where your priorities really lie. It shows, I mean, not priorities. It shows what you really care about the most. It shows that all day long. And I don't believe a damn thing. Nobody say I hear everybody but you damn well better believe I'm watching you speak.

00:36:50 Erica: I have a question for you. You know, we don't often get personal about us on our podcast, right?

00:36:56 Courtney: Yeah.

00:36:56 Erica: So I'm just going to preface that by this is my next question is a personal question for us.

00:37:01 Courtney: Oh, well, hopefully, hopefully I can answer it. Come on. What's up?

00:37:05 Erica: So can you recall a time where, um, loving each other wasn't enough and we had to actively choose alignment.

00:37:15 Courtney: A time.

00:37:17 Erica: A time. Or it could be multiple times like or a span of time where like you and I, we just, we loved each other, but that wasn't enough to get us through. So love had to go to the back burner and we had to make sure we were in a line to stay together to make sure she got done, to get us where we needed to be.

00:37:35 Courtney: For sure after twenty fifteen. But, um, but I think it, you know, began to matter a little bit more like closer to when even though I'm always hard on everything, you know, and so I'm not going to be very hard here, you know, but like around like twenty nineteen, we had to become a little bit more stronger together because of what we were trying to develop and what we're trying to build.

00:37:58 Erica: Yeah. And nineteen was a hard year though.

00:38:01 Courtney: Yeah. You know, yeah, we lost daddy that year and that was that was a rough year. But it was definitely during that time because we want to move forward. We want to become better. We want to become a better family, a stronger family. But what we had to do was get alignment with how we want to be parents. How do we want to be a husband and a wife? You know, like things that you needed of me. How can I provide those things for you? How can I show up for you with, uh, with the things that you need in, in the relationship that really makes us strong. How do we see the future together? You know, we might not even agree on, you know, you know, um, how to get there, you know, you know, you know, what the future looks like, but at least we have the same idea on what we want to do. I mean, on what it is. We have the idea. We know what the destination is. At least we know we might talk about not necessarily having to have an argument over the path, how to get there, but at least we can have the conversation on how to get there and at least is defined. And that was that was definitely challenging. It was challenging for a long time because I didn't realize how not how out of alignment we actually were.

00:39:18 Erica: Yeah. You know, I recall that being around the time that, um, it wasn't named yet, but I remember saying, I feel like in order to get through this shit, we're going to have to be more business partners and husband and wife.

00:39:31 Courtney: Yeah.

00:39:32 Erica: And that's where the foundation we didn't know it at the time, but that's where the foundation for Run Your Life Like a Business started.

00:39:40 Courtney: It was a long time ago. One just within the last seven years. It was it was in the last home for sure. Because for one, it's how I see life anyway, you know? But what we had to deal with, you know, to even get close to where we are right now, it was challenging.

00:40:00 Erica: For sure.

00:40:01 Courtney: It was it.

00:40:02 Erica: Was.

00:40:02 Courtney: Hard. Yeah. It was, it was very hard because you had to accept what was uncomfortable that we were not in alignment. And let's be honest, like, are we gonna make it? You know, that's a that's a real question that has to be answered.

00:40:15 Erica: We had plenty of conversations about that. Are we going to make it? And if we do, what does it look like? And are we. It was more so I remember like it was yesterday is we finally had to sit down and we asked, you know, are we capable of making it? Are we are we aligned enough to make sure we get to the next step? And if we're not, and if we don't, what does that look like?

00:40:39 Courtney: But this is a good part about what can be discussed. And the reason is, although we talk about, um, you know, um, what is it? Um, can love exist without compatibility? Yes it can, but also we need to understand what happens along the way is that you can change this if you sit down and have a conversation. It's not like this. Some of these things are permanent. You know what I'm saying? You know, it's not it's not permanent, but I would um. It's not permanent. And these things can be talked about. They can be worked on. You can get back in alignment with one another. You can have the hard conversations so you can see what the other person is. So you can connect. Because the only thing you really want to do is have more that you're compatible with than with what you're not. Because the dark side of that is if you're not compatible with most things, you're fixing to have a long road ahead of you. And let's be honest, you can be incompatible your entire marriage. Make it to the end. But you know what? You are bitter.

00:41:43 Erica: Unhappy.

00:41:43 Courtney: And unhappy and bitter as hell.

00:41:45 Erica: Unfulfilled.

00:41:46 Courtney: Can you make it to the end being just like that? Yes you can. A lot of people have done it.

00:41:51 Erica: Tons of people have done it.

00:41:51 Courtney: Yeah, tons of people have done that, you know. So I would definitely say that, um, there was a challenge, but I would also say that sometimes we mistake incompatibility with, uh, with a character flaw though, you know, you know, we assume something is wrong when really, you know, the real issue is we're just fundamentally misaligned. And that's the challenging part.

00:42:15 Erica: I got a question for you.

00:42:16 Courtney: Yeah.

00:42:19 Erica: I'm just curious about your answer. This might not be the right time to throw this out there and just spring it on you, but fuck it. YOLO. Um, if we met today, right, as a, as the people that you and I, you and I are today.

00:42:31 Courtney: Okay.

00:42:32 Erica: Do you think that we would still choose each other.

00:42:36 Courtney: The people we are today? Yeah. With who we are right now. I believe it's a. I believe it's a big chance. I believe it's a chance because we, um, we worked on on who we are today. So we are more in, in alignment than, than we're not. You know what I'm saying? But I would say if you had asked me this exact question ten years ago, probably not.

00:43:00 Erica: No, no, no. It's not it's funny, but it's not funny. But I'm with you. I agree.

00:43:04 Courtney: Nope. Yeah. Even, you know, twelve years ago, maybe. No, not at all. You know, um. And that's just because how we, how we value things, you know, we valued, we had values of things, but it's how we navigated things that made us clash in a, in a, in a hard way.

00:43:26 Erica: We weren't even in the same book, let alone in the same page.

00:43:29 Courtney: No we weren't. I won't even sit up and lie.

00:43:30 Erica: We were not we were not, you know, but we had to we had to learn how to navigate that.

00:43:36 Courtney: But you want to know something, you know, and, you know, because this goes into it, you know, number two on my list was growth. I've always cared about that. It's how I, how I navigate life. It's what I consume is what I put inside of myself. It's what I do. And I didn't realize that, um, that that could be, excuse me, that there could be a problem with us, you know, it all. But I can see that now. It was.

00:44:05 Erica: You know, speaking of that misalignment. Right. So I know for me, you know, when the fallout started to happen, I didn't realize that it was because we were misaligned. Um, but I often found myself asking or asking you like, Courtney, what happened? Like, where did we go wrong? How did we get here? And the misalignment came for us after the consequence. But I think part of that, too, was us being young and not necessarily knowing how to navigate it. Um, you know, so with that.

00:44:42 Courtney: Something I want to say about this too.

00:44:43 Erica: Okay. But I have a question first because I think it's a, it's a question that, that we need to hear an answer to, to help other people think about the question better, if that makes sense. Right. So how much of what we call failure do you think is just the eventual consequence of the decisions that were never aligned. Like we said they were when we tried to define what we wanted.

00:45:05 Courtney: Can you explain that a little bit?

00:45:06 Erica: Yeah. All right. So essentially, right, like us, there was a failure in our marriage, a it was honestly to be completely, you know, naked here. It was a complete breakdown of our relationship. You know, there was a point in time where we were barely even friends. Right. So what do you think was the consequence of the decisions, right. When we weren't aligned, do you think it was just the fact that we were eventually going our separate ways while still together and didn't realize it, or was it something else?

00:45:38 Courtney: I believe it was something else. The best way I can describe this is I believe we wanted two totally different things. We wanted two totally different things. And that created the conflict, the clash, you know, I know what I wanted and I'm not going to sit here and say that I was easy about this either. You know what I'm saying? And you know who I am When I want something, I'm. I'm on it. I want to pursue it.

00:46:03 Erica: Yes.

00:46:04 Courtney: And the truth was, I knew what I wanted, but you didn't see it that way. You know, you was okay with, you know, like it was okay. You know, like we good? Yeah. We good. So the conflict of what this was, was you were comfortable, but I was ambitious.

00:46:23 Erica: Mhm.

00:46:25 Courtney: That don't work well together.

00:46:26 Erica: Mhm.

00:46:27 Courtney: At all. And was that the only thing? No. But it's the one thing that I can say created a lot of conflict between us. And it took us a long time to navigate and to see the other side or someone to say, you know what? I'm willing to work with this one. And that's what it really took. Because two people like that say, for instance, long term don't work. You're going to fight forever because somebody wants to be comfortable, but somebody else wants to to go somewhere else. They want to keep moving, you know, it becomes, um, it becomes a challenge for sure. It was for us.

00:47:06 Erica: It was a challenge. But you know, you bring up me being comfortable, but me being comfortable, honestly, as crazy as this may sound to people who know me now, um, the comfortability came in from the fact that I had a husband. We had a kid, we had a house, we were a nuclear family, right? We had so I had everything I never had growing up. So for me, it was I hit these milestones before I was thirty years old and I had shit for as far as family goes, I thought figured out right. I assumed that what I had was enough.

00:47:43 Courtney: Right?

00:47:45 Erica: And again, huge advocate for therapy. But it was through therapy that I found out where our disconnect was. And it wasn't that you did anything wrong or I did anything wrong. We were just completely fucking misaligned.

00:47:58 Courtney: We're just totally different.

00:47:59 Erica: Yeah, we were, you know? Because what what you and I had built, you grew up with. So you had seen it your whole life. So for you, that wasn't comfortable. But for me, it was knowing that our kid woke up every day to happy parents. People who smiled at her, hugged on her, loved on her, put her to bed at night, woke her up in the morning, you know, put her to bed at night. Woke up in the morning. That didn't change. That was her constant. That is her flow. That is what our kids have always known.

00:48:25 Courtney: But you. Oh my bad. Go for.

00:48:26 Erica: It. So for me, that was that was that was happiness. That was my, my little, you know, house and white picket fence and what I had always wanted. But what I didn't realize was I married somebody who was overly ambitious. And you were overly ambitious because the things you wanted, you could actually make happen. So at the time, the things you wanted and the things that I wanted were, like I said earlier, in completely separate books, which made us completely Misaligned, which caused a lot of, um, a lot of rifts in our house.

00:49:01 Courtney: And I'm going to say, because I know I just said not long ago, um, what is it incompatible? You know, um, we mistake incompatibility for, for a character flaw and we do, and so say, for instance, like with you and I, what looked like character flaws on either side, you know what I'm saying. What did we spoke those things out loud or not. We believe them like the other side was a problem. Because if we're having that type of conflict, you know, these issues can look like there's something else that's incompatibility and look like it's an issue with the other person in all reality is not, you know, it can look like it's a communication issue if we're battling and fighting over this, but it's not the truth or the reality. The reality is we're just not compatible. You know, it wasn't your personality. It wasn't my personality. We were just incompatible. But until we truly understood what the other one was coming from, and we can realign ourselves, then we can move a little. We can move forward harmoniously at that point. And we did. We did a better job at that. And those are the things that that have to happen. That's why the conversations have to happen. Because if you don't understand what the other person is coming from or try to get aligned even closely, it's going to be challenging to move forward.

00:50:27 Erica: What was the tipping point?

00:50:28 Courtney: Tipping point?

00:50:29 Erica: Like, at what point do you think we started to get realigned? Where things got better.

00:50:36 Courtney: Oh. I'm going to say got a lot better because I won't sit here and lie and say um after what was it like twenty nineteen? I gave up on things.

00:50:51 Erica: Mhm.

00:50:52 Courtney: You know, I gave up on being ambitious. I did, I buried that. But coming back to students of life again, you know, um, we we realigned and we did get better. But even in the middle of before students of life, we got better because things were just easy. Mhm. You know, um, I don't know if there was a, I can't say it was a good thing or a bad thing, but I just became more present. You know, I put aside the things I, that I wanted because I didn't even believe it was achievable. You know, and so what I ended up doing is just doubling down on the family being present, showing up. But the alignment for sure came in with doing students life all over again because we could see how important things like that were, you know, and, you know, building something that's bigger than, than us, something that can outlive us. And we cared about something together. And we and we both care about this together.

00:51:54 Erica: Yeah, but the first go round, I wasn't a part of students life.

00:51:57 Courtney: No, I'm not talking about that part. I'm talking about this time.

00:51:59 Erica: I mean, yeah, but that's what I'm saying though, right? So like.

00:52:02 Courtney: Yeah.

00:52:02 Erica: So saying, you know, doing students of life over again. I just want to clarify for people. I the first go round for this, I wasn't a part of it. I bought the equipment, I got you set up, you know, for the things that you said you wanted and needed, but I wasn't a part of it. But I do agree with you. I think us doing students a life together, you know, having to sit down and have hard conversations to bring the, the episodes to the listeners, right? To our audience. Um, it helped us with some revelations about self and each other.

00:52:33 Courtney: Yeah.

00:52:34 Erica: You know, because the questions that we pose on these episodes, we actually discuss, you know, and there's a lot that I think comes out in the wash when you do that. And if you're having the right conversations like we've had, I don't feel like there's a way to be misaligned because you're having hard conversations and you have to hear the hard truth whether you want to hear it or not. That doesn't stop the fact that it's a truth.

00:52:58 Courtney: And as simple as it is now, I can say, well, it's not. I can say, but it's from my perspective. I can look at you and say, Erica, I see you.

00:53:10 Erica: Yeah.

00:53:11 Courtney: And you can like, you know, you saw Courtney from the past and you see him today. He's like, I see you now.

00:53:18 Erica: Mhm.

00:53:19 Courtney: And those things matter.

00:53:20 Erica: And, you know, it's a beautiful thing to be seen.

00:53:23 Courtney: Yeah.

00:53:23 Erica: It's a beautiful, beautiful thing to be seen. And, um, you know, I think that, you know, we have not, we have, but we still often, you know, test our priorities, right. You know, we ask ourselves if we value this, what do we have to do to show up in this way? Or, um, if I'm willing to show up, Like, what am I willing to sacrifice for it? Or, um, I think a better question would be what am I not willing to sacrifice? Um, or, you know, like you and I, sometimes we have conflicting values. We have conflicting values and learning how to navigate those conversations and learning how to talk about the conflict without causing conflict. Which means for me, that's having an intelligent and engaging conversation about why, why our values are conflicting and what happened and where we became misaligned. Those things are important. Just like, um, you know, it's asking because you, we had this conversation at least once a month. It's are the decisions that we're making actually a reflection of what we say matters or as you say, are our decisions today helping us get to the end goal, whether that's with the business or if that's personally if that's with our family, with our kids? Hell, even our friends are the friendships that we're cultivating going to make it to the end. And if they do, what does that end look like?

00:55:06 Courtney: But a lot of these things, Erica, like that we don't even discuss because maybe I'm extreme, but I don't care, you know, if I sound extreme, but I believe majority of marriages are out of misalignment. I believe relationships between brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, those dynamics, I believe they're out of alignment. I believe we're out of alignment with our friends, you know, because because now we're.

00:55:34 Erica: Out here just doing.

00:55:35 Courtney: We're just doing it. Everybody's just winging it. And we're just. And really what we end up fearing is the letting go.

00:55:42 Erica: Mhm.

00:55:43 Courtney: We don't want to let these things go. That becomes the a challenge with us on a on a regular basis. And it's something as simple as like, say, for instance, politics, even as friends, we don't even, you know, agree on on politics. One side here, one side there. But how can we actually be friends if what I value. You still don't value. But I call you my friend.

00:56:11 Erica: You know, it's very funny you say that because I've gotten to the point to where, especially after this current administration.

00:56:18 Courtney: Yeah.

00:56:19 Erica: I literally cut people off. You voted for who? Why the fuck would you do that?

00:56:24 Courtney: Yeah.

00:56:25 Erica: You know, and it's hard when you're a biracial person like myself. Um, and you find out that you have family members who say they love you, but you voted for the red people.

00:56:35 Courtney: And so I'm gonna say that right there. I say that you don't love them. You know, I'm like the person who did that, but I still love you. No you don't.

00:56:43 Erica: You.

00:56:43 Courtney: Don't because that's who you are.

00:56:44 Erica: Because you don't care about my safety. You don't care about what I need.

00:56:48 Courtney: Because this is a threat to my existence, to a degree, literally in my life and my family. You don't. Mhm. So this goes back to what we were saying. That's what you say. But that ain't what you do.

00:57:00 Erica: Exactly.

00:57:00 Courtney: And what you have done proves that ain't what you said. And I see you. Mhm. And so know I've experienced things where, you know, like, um, like things like within my family been leaving, been left with, with a, with a huge burden. But I've been told, but I love that thing. I love that thing. But you didn't show up though. But you didn't show up. You don't love it. Your mouth say you love it.

00:57:25 Erica: You don't mean.

00:57:26 Courtney: It, but you don't mean.

00:57:27 Erica: It. You don't mean it at all.

00:57:28 Courtney: Because you didn't show up. Yeah. And so again, I see you.

00:57:32 Erica: Mhm.

00:57:33 Courtney: You will never be able to pull that over one over my eyes. But people will defend what they say every day because they know they don't do it.

00:57:40 Erica: Well. But I said this and what I meant was, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:57:44 Courtney: But what you.

00:57:45 Erica: Did. No, but what you did. I don't give a damn about what you said.

00:57:49 Courtney: It's priorities.

00:57:50 Erica: Did.

00:57:50 Courtney: It's the priorities, you know.

00:57:51 Erica: And then for me, that becomes, you know, people always say she's like, well, it was the principle of the matter. Yes it was. You're right. It was a principle. And the principle is the fact that you told me you cared about X, Y, and Z. But come to find out, you literally did the opposite. So your actions show me who you are, your actions tell me what you're going to do. And based upon that, that now shows me where I stand with you. Now I know you ain't fit to be fucked with.

00:58:19 Courtney: And so to me, that even goes like I'm saying, with political decisions and based on what's this is just an example of what those political decisions stand for and what they mean. Those are your values. You pick that thing. That's what you value. That's what you did. You prioritize that thing over maybe a lot of other people in your life. you might make these decisions, um, politically about women's rights. You know, women's rights are embedded in this political decision and that's what you choose. But you have a, a wife and a daughter. Do you really care about them the way you say you do.

00:58:59 Erica: Or, or let's just.

00:59:00 Courtney: Because you prioritize political decisions in a party over what you said you value, which is your family, but do you.

00:59:07 Erica: You know, or let's go a step further. I know someone, you know, someone there in my family, a couple of them that have had multiple abortions. Not medically necessary, right? Just because I just don't want to do this.

00:59:21 Courtney: Birth control.

00:59:22 Erica: Abortion is birth control. You know, that's some shit I'm very heavy on. You know, I think if your body. You're right. Right. Excuse me, but you mean to tell me that back in the day, you had, like, ten abortions, and women need them to save their life today, and you voted against that? It was it was cool when you could do it. It was okay right when you needed it. But now we have mothers who are dying because not only did their family members vote against their best interest. Some of these women, their husband did too. You know, so your misalignment could possibly cost your wife her life. Right. If that's how you feel, you're getting vasectomies. Is that what y'all doing out here to protect her? So since you didn't vote for her, is that what you're doing? Like you didn't vote with her in mind. What the fuck is wrong with you? My husband did.

01:00:13 Courtney: I did.

01:00:14 Erica: You know, whether that was your first choice or not. You voted with your wife and mine. You voted with your daughter in mind. You voted with your nieces in mind. You voted with our friends.

01:00:24 Courtney: But again.

01:00:24 Erica: Who are still fertile in mind.

01:00:27 Courtney: But this right here, it goes down to that's what I value. Family.

01:00:30 Erica: Yes. First, yes.

01:00:33 Courtney: Even that decision. I didn't like the candidate that I had to vote for.

01:00:36 Erica: But you.

01:00:36 Courtney: Did. I did it because I loved these people in my life first, get in alignment with yourself. You like so you can't even get in alignment with the person that that you want to spend your life the rest of your life with. If you don't get alignment with yourself first. Because one thing what I'm going to always, always try to prioritize is the things that, that, that I, that I care about. You know, I care about you guys. And so my decisions will always be to put you first. And so my priorities will always match what I value. Always.

01:01:13 Erica: You know, I think anyone, anyone who knows you knows that because you show it, you know, you show it because you show up.

01:01:20 Courtney: But, you know, is Erica, this was, you know, being able to make decisions like that before I was able to, to be that that man, don't you know, I could never see it in anybody else. I saw what was presented in front of me.

01:01:36 Erica: Of course you did.

01:01:37 Courtney: I saw what was presented in front of me. But the moment that I could become that man, I saw what everybody else wasn't.

01:01:43 Erica: I was going to say, now you start looking at folks differently.

01:01:45 Courtney: I see everybody, I see for everybody what they are. It was just there's no difference than different than when I had told you, when I made my first decision ever out of faith, and I started making every decision with faith in mind, I could see everybody else who talked about faith but didn't live in it. You know what I'm saying? I could see it then, but before I did that, I couldn't tell the difference. I couldn't tell the difference. And so all I'm saying is these things right here and I'm gonna tell everybody, look, the things that you care about, prioritize them as if you do. Because if you care about your friends, prioritize them properly. If, if you do, those things matter. If you care about family, prioritize them. So it's shows that you really care about those things. And we, we, we challenge, we're challenged with those things every day because we're just winging it. Majority of us just winging it. Hey. All right, Erica, give me your. Do you have any closing thoughts?

01:02:44 Erica: Yeah. You know, if anything, I want to leave people with this. If you don't define your values and your priorities, your principles, other people or life in general will for you. You know, and then you'll find yourself asking, like years later, how did I end up here when the better question might be what was guiding my decisions this entire time?

01:03:08 Courtney: Mhm.

01:03:08 Erica: You know, values tell you what matters. Your principles tell you how you operate. And priorities determine what wins when those two things compete.

01:03:18 Courtney: Okay. Well, I, I'll leave everybody with this by saying, you know, you don't need somebody to tell you how to live, but you do need to know what you're trying to protect and what rules you're going to live by and what comes first, you know? Um, otherwise, again, life will Tell you what those things are. Culture will, circumstances will, fear will, money will as well. And also, we know other people.

01:03:45 Erica: Mhm.

01:03:45 Courtney: All the time.

01:03:46 Erica: Mhm.

01:03:47 Courtney: And, you know, so we just need to, um, understand that if you don't make that decision, you're going to eventually end up asking, how did I end up here when the better question just might be what was guiding my decisions the whole time? That was something that Erica mentioned earlier in the TV show. I said, TV show. Oh my gosh.

01:04:05 Erica: I mean, we're going to get there. We ain't there yet. I love that manifestation. Love that vision.

01:04:09 Courtney: Yep. You know I did that deliberately. You know.

01:04:11 Erica: I.

01:04:11 Courtney: Did. That was on purpose. There wasn't no mistake.

01:04:13 Erica: No. You meant that what you're talking about.

01:04:17 Courtney: I knew what I was talking about.

01:04:18 Erica: Sure did.

01:04:20 Courtney: Hey, hey, this is my hype man right there. I appreciate you, girl.

01:04:24 Erica: I got you, boo. I got your back.

01:04:26 Courtney: All right. Well, this has been students of life podcast. Thanks for tuning in. Everybody. Live and learn. Life is a lesson. Life is a lesson.

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